Week 5 Term 2 - Weight Gain

It is without question that this lock down has been an experience for everyone. Our daily lives, routines and priorities were completely and literally shut down. The term 'essential services' was and most likely still is associated with our supermarkets - a common space for the community which was marked by queues, trolleys full to the brim and a COVID 19 staple, toilet paper. 'Front-line workers' continue to be praised for their dedication and commitment in treating those affected by the virus. 'Online learning' is now an integral part in the reshaping and re purposing of education for teachers and students. The daily press conferences has become a place where everyone regardless of race, gender or political preference congregate to listen for the latest updates, what the death rate is and repetitive questions from the New Zealand media. I am only scratching the surface when it comes to the experience that is COVID 19.

Everyone has their own take on what the last 7-8 weeks has been like for them. In returning to school next week, I am reflecting on what I have gained in this season. To start off with, the weight gained is one of the noticeable changes I can acknowledge. I spent all of Term 1 committed to intermittent fasting. This was a huge but necessary step for me in ensuring that my physical well-being is kept and not taken for granted. Well, that went out of the window when the lock down kicked in. I went from one meal a day for 8 weeks straight (seriously) to a full breakfast, lunch and dinner (sometimes dessert) everyday for 7 weeks. It goes without saying that this weight gain is going to be hard to shake off. But as I sit here thinking about the additional 'leverage' I have gained, I am able to see all the other areas in my life that have profited from this experience. I may have gained physically but I know that professionally and personally, there are areas in my life that have gained some much needed weight. 

Ecclesiastes 9:10

Work hard at whatever you do, because there will be no action, no thought, no knowledge, no wisdom in the world of the dead.  

I know that I was running on empty before the lock down. I have mentioned in my earlier posts that working online from home has enabled me to gain some much needed momentum in my profession. The time I have had to focus on making learning spaces online relevant and accessible for my learners has been a highlight. I have used the time to reshape what my programs look like for all of my classes. I have been able to research different texts to offer my students. Trying to design resources that are meaningful for my students is a 'weight' that I have been more than happy to gain. All of my colleagues in the English Department have used this time to invest in our online learning services and making sure that this is a priority going forward. For many of us in the department, this time was needed and welcomed. We needed this time to add weight to our sites, to add weight to what we needed to offer to our students. Reviewing NCEA data and looking for solutions to help accelerate student achievement is the kind of 'weight' that I have enjoyed. Talking to my colleagues about different strategies, success stories and what they hope to do with their students is another pound that we have gained together. Reflecting with my sister and Co-HOD about all of this plus what was on the menu for dinner, is a great gain. 

I have a new appreciation for my job. For those who I work with and what they do in their learning areas. In order for the online learning, the actual learning and overall education to function there is a level of effort and time needed for it work ('word hard at whatever you do'). 'There will be no action, no thought, no knowledge, no wisdom in the world of the dead' - we have seen essential services, front-line workers and parents having to take on the role of a teacher take the lead to serve others. This part of the verse only reinforces the need for everyone to use their time, gift and effort to serve. This has been an underlying theme in everyone's efforts during COVID 19.  

Job 8:7

And though you started with little, you will end with much

Personally I have gained so much perspective during this lock down. For some time now I have centralized my emotional radar in my grief. Everything I speak to, about and for has in some way been linked to my grief in the passing of my daughter. Both my wife and I have come to a point in our grief where we know and feel that we need to let her rest in peace. We need to let the grief rest in order for us to move in faith. No one can fully prepare for grief and I had no idea that I would be in place where I would have to let go of the grief. I had been holding onto it, measuring my faith to my grief. We named our daughter Faith and I know that my faith in God is renewed because of her.

The perspective I have gained has really shaken my whole view on what my faith is. My faith is not my daughter. What I believe is my faith. For me the blessing in my faith is found in my 'Faith'. In letting this go, I was really worried that it would belittle my love for my daughter. That it would lessen me as a father. That it would take away the one thing that we have been praying for. That it would reduce us. I came across this bible verse (I have mentioned this in my other posts but reading my daily devotionals has been highlight during the lock down). The verse simply states that 'though you started with little, you will end with much'. Faith is about believing, trusting and to be 'sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see' (Hebrews 11:1). The last part of Job 8:7 gets me every time I read it, 'you will end with much' - this here is how I see my faith. That there is a silver lining in all of this. There is a hope in all of this. It WILL be ok. 

Psalms 46:10

Be still and know that I am God

This what I have gained in terms of my understanding of what my faith means. It is knowing and trusting in the lock down and in the wait (or weight). It is about giving yourself time to refocus on what is important, investing time on what you are called to do, leaning in on those close to you, letting go and knowing that you will be OK. It is about knowing that things will be fine regardless of how much or little you have, your patience will help you get through it. The lock down has enabled many of us to shut off from our daily lives and to be at home and spend time with family. It was never going to be a vacation but there has been a degree of stillness that has made people I know, including myself, appreciate my now and think about my future. 

It is going to feel a little weird when I return to work next week. I am definitely going to feel a little heavier. But it is all good. The gains certainly outweigh (how ironic) everything else. I can say that I am really grateful for this time and for what was accomplished both in my work and personal life. I know that it has given me something new and strong to stand down going into this new season. 

God Bless!