Great Expectations

EXPECTATION: 

(noun) A strong belief that something will happen or be the case. 

I will never forget my first day of Year 6 at primary school. I had moved to a new school to be closer to home. I remember feeling nervous and angry because my Mum had signed me out of my previous school, leaving behind my friends and my favorite teachers. On the first day I was told (in front of the class) that my reading and writing was below average. I was put into a reading and writing program straight away. Every teacher and teacher aide that I worked with did not expect much from me. The were not exactly encouraging. My classroom teacher did not give me any sense of worth when I was in class. It was a strange time for me to say the least. For the next two years my experience of school was tainted by the constant thought of not thinking much of myself especially when it came to my education. From the age of eleven, I understood the power that adults, teachers have and that their expectation of you can either make your schooling experience great or difficult. What I did not understand fully until I was in my late twenties was that I had internalized this expectation of myself. I projected this onto others when I would feel challenged or inadequate. The expectations I felt from my teachers in primary school were hard to unburden. I carried it around with me for the duration of my primary and intermediate schooling years. Every teacher I had from 1996 - 1998 - I attached this 'expectation' to them - whether they were awesome teachers or not. I was scarred. My perception of education and teachers lacked faith and enthusiasm. I believed their assumption, belief and expectation of me. 

BECOMING: 

(noun) Any process of change

When I started college I remember making a deal with myself. It was 1999 and it was an end of era and of a decade going into the new millennium. For me, I wanted an ending to this lack of self esteem. I remember thinking that I was going to change, I was going to do anything and everything to get rid of how I saw myself. You could say that this was my early 'becoming' moment. My Year 10 English teacher and my Year 13 English teacher played a huge role in shaping how I expressed myself through writing and in some way, how I grew to appreciate myself. My Year 13 English teacher was very strict and did not accept any excuse for failure. She saw potential in me, in all of us, and she had this way of bringing the best out of you. She had high expectations of me. I remember during my Year 13 year, one of my aunt's had died of a stroke. The day she passed away was also the same day that I had a Close viewing assessment due. I remember asking my Mum to call the school to pass a message onto my teacher to let her know that I could not hand it in. My teacher rang back, asked for me and said " I will see you at 3pm with your assessment." That was it. I remember feeling so angry and annoyed. I dropped my paper off that day and as I was leaving she said "You can hate me now, but you will thank me later." At the time my interpretation of her parting words were hard and heartless. As a teacher, I can appreciate and understand what she said and why she said it. It was more than tough love, it was her expectation  of me to do well and finish what I start, regardless. This unapologetic but at the same time steadfast love and expectation, was the very thing that made me appreciate work ethic and having standards. Having someone who championed standards and excellence in my life at that time, I can now see was the very catalyst I needed to change. A change in how I see myself and what I expect of myself. 

1 Timothy 4:12

Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 

Your expectations for your learners has an incredible impact on their achievement. My teaching practice has evolved over the years. One thing remains - I have high expectations for my students. I want the best for them and I expect the best from them. I have spent this week talking to my senior students about my expectations and WHAT and WHY I expect them to follow. In my experience, I know firsthand the impact of having an adult, leader or teacher not think very highly of you. I know firsthand that this impact can give those who are on the receiving end a complex of themselves. I know that the position that I am in is a privileged position where I have a platform to support learners. Young people can be so impressionable and easily influenced. Your words, your actions and your expectations hold a certain weight with young people. 

As all students and teachers return to school this week in our 'new normal', I am reminded of what my teacher said to me when my Aunt passed away. I am reminded of her unwavering expectation. I am reminded that this is the type of 'love' and motivation that all young people need. Especially in a time where inequity in education, loss of income and changing dynamics in society can have a strong hold on our youth. I am reminded that my expectations for my students, regardless of the current climate, is one that I am confident in. There are times that I do struggle with my own expectations. Are my expectations unrealistic? Are my expectations too demanding? These doubts can have a detrimental effect on what I think is important and what is a priority for me. To find a place of peace, where I can rest in my expectations that I have for myself and for what I do, takes time. It takes a lot of time, refocusing myself, talking to people I trust and seeing their point of view.  The MOE Tapasa 2019 Framework states "Effective and meaningful engagement is essential for Pacific learner success that needs to be established early on in learning settings and maintained throughout their learning journey." I want to keep my expectations for my students. I know that I need to continue to explain why and be an example to them. Maintaining expectations helps one to maintain integrity, accountability and purpose.