Week 8 Term 2 - Flat

FLAT

lacking emotion; dull and lifeless.

I am not a morning person. I find it incredibly hard to get myself up and out of bed every morning. It is a slow (very slow) morning where I am usually dragging myself into the car. The dragging continues all the way through the motorway. Most mornings this is my reality. Typically I can shake it off by the time I get to work but lately this has been difficult. I found myself dreading coming to work and I just want to stay home and sleep. In the last week or so I have been feeling flat and tired. It could be a case of the 'end of term blues', who knows? I have spent time reflecting on why I am feeling this way and to be completely honest I am still trying to understand it. Usually I can shake it off or find things to distract me however this time around it is a little harder for me shrug this off this 'flat' feeling. Monday was mentally painful for me and it really set the tone for the rest of the week. 

Now that I have reached the end of the week (finally) I am able to reflect on what has helped me get through the week. Ultimately what I have learnt overall from this week, this sense of being overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time is that I need to reprioritize my priorities. It is ironic that I have experienced a week such as this as this time last week I was reflecting on how my Year 13 students experience stress. I have learnt overall that it is just as important to check in on yourself, get yourself right and aligned with whatever is important or purposeful for yourself before you can make yourself available to others. 

"it takes a certain amount of personal effort to create a check-in experience that’s good for our hearts." (Michelle Williams) 

I have not prioritized checking in with myself. Lately my effort and time has been spent on thinking about what I need to finish at work, what more I need to do to support my senior students, what I need to do at church, what my wife and I need to do next in our journey, how can I support my family - so many questions, little time and no real clarity on how to answer the questions that flood my mind. My depleted emotional and mental state of mind is a result of the lack of care that I have not invested in myself. Sounds wishy washy, but that is the reality that I have come to realize right now. I have taken some measures this week to check-in with myself and the influence that this has had on my own well-being has been positive. I appreciate the moments where I feel insecure or stressed because they highlight what I am prioritizing or not. It helps me rearrange what is important or what I need to pay attention to and this brings in clarity and focus, things I desire more and more. Checking in with yourself not only brings clarity on where you want to go next but it can also act as a reminder of what you have done, what you have - this brings a sense of gratitude, being grateful for what you have been blessed despite the challenges that you may have faced. Michelle Williams writes "Things don’t always go our way. Bad things do happen. And if we’re not owning the responsibility to “check in” the right way, the bad things can make us forget all the awesome things God has done for us already." Just even thinking about what you have been blessed with is the best way to check-in with yourself as it serves as a reminder to you, a reminder that there is something to be grateful and hopeful for. 

"Our value as people has nothing to do with what we do, say, or accomplish. Our value comes from the One who made us: God." (Michelle Williams) 

This week I have done this. I have gone there. I have spoken about it. I have also used time away from work to connect with others. Being with family, being with my niece, go for a drive with my wife - detaching myself from work. Being a teacher is a purpose-driven career that I have grown to love. It something that I pour my heart into everyday. Beautiful right? This comes at a cost though, you become so invested and so enthralled in the work that you can loose yourself in it all at the same time. The irony in this is something else. I needed this moment this week. I needed to experience this lull. It has brought a little bit more clarity to me, something that I did not ask for this week but definitely needed.